Thoughts on getting older
When I was a kid, being an adult looked pretty great. Adults had freedom. They had money. They could stay up late, buy what they wanted, and no one could really tell them what to do.
Now that I am almost 46, I can say that was only part of the picture.
The strange thing about getting older is that part of you still feels much younger. In my head, I do not always feel that far removed from being 30, or even younger than that. Then something like back pain reminds me very quickly how old I actually am. Last summer, while playing kickball with the neighbors and kids, I thought it would be a good idea to do a flip into a kiddie pool after kicking a home run. A few drinks may have helped that seem smarter than it was. The next day, when I could barely move, reality showed up.
So what does it actually mean to be an adult once you are past 45?
For me, it has less to do with freedom and more to do with responsibility, perspective, and knowing what matters. A few ideas stand out.
Discipline
This may be one of the biggest parts of adulthood. Real adulthood is not doing whatever you want in the moment. It is thinking long term instead of short term.
That shows up in money. Do I really need this thing right now? Will it improve my life in a meaningful way? Is this small purchase worth more to me today than the larger value it could become later if I saved or invested it?
It shows up in diet. Most meals should probably be good for you. That does not mean never having a beer, wings, or pizza. It means knowing that those things should be the exception, not the base plan.
It shows up in exercise. This one feels even more important after 40. For people with desk jobs, movement is not optional. Walking, lifting weights, shooting hoops, running around with your kids, all of it matters. A healthy heart, stronger muscles, and staying mobile are the difference between feeling capable and slowly falling apart.
Discipline is not punishment, it's being an adult. It is choosing a better future over a temporary impulse.
Creativity
This one has become more important to me as I have gotten older.
I built a career in a creative field, but like a lot of people, that creativity slowly became tied to clients, deadlines, consulting, and managing. Somewhere along the way, it became more about what was needed and less about what I actually wanted to make.
That is part of why getting back into art has mattered so much to me. Making something for no reason other than I want to make it has helped me feel more like myself again. It makes me feel younger, more present, and more complete.
Being an adult should not mean giving up the parts of yourself that used to light you up. If anything, it should mean finding ways to protect them.
Locus of control
This is a big one, especially when life gets stressful.
A lot of stress comes from trying to manage things that are outside your control. Other people, outside events, the economy, the past, random bad luck, none of that fully belongs to you.
What does belong to you is how you respond. Your choices. Your habits. Your attitude. Your ability to prepare. Your willingness to act when action is possible.
The older I get, the more I think adulthood is partly about learning where your energy should go. Worrying about things you cannot change only drains you. Focusing on what you can do gives you a little traction.
Maybe that is what adulthood really is. Not freedom in the way I imagined as a kid. Not endless energy. Not doing whatever you want. Not feeling like you have it all figured out.
It is more about learning how to carry responsibility without letting it crush you. It is about trying to stay healthy, trying to stay creative, trying to make better decisions, and trying not to throw yourself into a kiddie pool like you are still 22.
It is also realizing that growing older does not mean you are done becoming. You are still learning, adjusting, and still trying to get a little better at life.
That, to me, feels a lot more like adulthood than staying up late ever did.